Letting Go - Shedding What No Longer Serves
Grief is no joke. A trickster at heart, it overwhelms me and buries me deep within its recesses, and just as quickly recedes, leaving space for sunshine, laughter and lightness to trickle in. Then again, boom, a wave hits me and knocks me back into its depths. Taunting me with its strength and power, grief teases me for holding on to my plans and believing I have control. Sometimes it whispers words of solace in my ear, “I’m here only because you loved so deeply”. Other times, it bellows my deepest fears back at me, “You have never been good enough, what did you expect?” Never does it let me see that I may actually be standing in water that is only knee-deep, nor remember that I am a strong enough swimmer to move through the waves into deeper, calmer water.
No less than the mythological tricksters of yore, grief playfully disrupts life as I know it and promises to help me rebuild it on a foundation of acceptance, grace, compassion, and the wonder of possibility. I accept, as I must, but navigating the tides of grief means letting go. Total surrender, a complete untethering to make space for the river of joy. How exactly do I do that? What do I need to let go of?
In my case, I need to rewrite my scripts on what it means to be a ‘good’ mother, daughter, sister, friend, colleague, global citizen. What has been can be no longer. Holding on to those models and ways of being and interacting are feeding fuel to the fire of struggle, fear, confusion, and hurt. For me, and for my loved ones. I wonder, has holding on so tight been what has kept me from feeling the connection and belonging I so deeply long for? Instead of grasping tightly to memories and ideas of what could have been, would living with open palms allow joy, ease, and peace to land gently in my hand?
I’m also beginning to revisit what it means for me to be a Changemaker. I’ve spent most of my life working for (what I now better understand as) love and social justice. As I have grown in this work, I have gravitated from a focus on transforming large external systems to deep exploration and engagement with Changemakers, leaders at the center of those social systems.
My theory of change, if you will, has shifted to center Changemakers as the unit of change. Transformation lies in the heart and mind of the individual Changemaker that then goes on to disrupt, re-imagine, and reconstruct systems anew. Doing so requires letting go of one’s fear, limiting beliefs, and stories that root us in shame, blame, and resentment. It requires remembering that we are each whole and complete, with deep strength and power. That is my work, that is my calling. It’s the work I am doing with and for myself, it is also the work I am now doing directly with Changemakers.
For me to live into a just and equitable world, I must root myself in love, compassion, grace, and acceptance. Letting go of success and achievement as I once defined it. Letting go of the construct of family and community as I once lived it. Letting go of stories about who and what I am to make space for who I might become. Letting go of my resistance to grief and welcoming it in with the knowledge that it represents all the love I’ve been blessed to give and receive.
Maybe that’s the ‘how’ of letting go – letting go of the certainty and comfort of knowing. Not knowing means I’ll stumble and fall. It means there are spaces of wonder that I have yet to explore. Transformation requires this faith, this letting go, this sacred pause to exhale all that is holding us back and inhale what’s not yet, what may be, and all the wonder yet to be explored.
When you are ready to walk the path of your own transformation, give me a call. I will be your partner as you explore the depths of the tides and carve your new wake.
“Caminante, son tus huellas el camino, y nada más; caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al andar. Al andar se hace camino, y al volver la vista atrás se ve la senda que nunca se ha de volver a pisar. Caminante, no hay camino, sino estelas en la mar.”
Wanderer, your footsteps are the road, and nothing more; wanderer, there is no road, the road is made by walking. By walking one makes the road, and upon glancing behind one sees the path that never will be trod again. Wanderer, there is no road-- Only wakes upon the sea.
― Antonio Machado, Campos de Castilla
