Missing Piece
I’ve been looking for books to share with my newly minted teenage daughter and was reminded of Shell Silverstein’s character, Missing Piece. In one story, it is found by another shape looking to fill it’s missing piece. They seem to fit perfectly and together they roll along, smelling flowers, enjoying the warmth, and watching butterflies. Over time, however, Missing Piece grows too big and no longer fits. So, the shape puts Missing Piece down and leaves it behind. In another story, Missing Piece is looking for a place to fit in. Over time, it comes across all types of shapes – some too big, some too small, some who rolled right by, and some who couldn’t roll at all. One day, it meets Big O, who neither needs nor wants anything from it. It asks if it can join Big O, but there is no where to fit in. When invited to roll by itself, Missing Piece doesn’t believe it can because of all its sharp corners. Before rolling away, Big O says “Corners wear off and shapes change.” For a long time, Missing Piece sat there all alone. Then, slowly it lifted itself up on one end and flopped down again. Over time, the corners wore down and the edges softened. Lift Pull Flop turned into bumping, then bouncing, and finally rolling on its own!
It’s becoming clear to me that I have been the Missing Piece for much of my life. Over the years, I have fit myself into the many different shapes of jobs, organizations, and relationships. Many felt right at the time, but something was always missing. Too tight, too narrow, too limiting for growth. And, when growth occurred (which it inevitably does), the fit just didn’t hold. As with Missing Piece, sometimes I flopped away, and sometimes I was left behind. At some point, I found a shape and settled in, forcing the fit until it hurt too much. The glorious rolling slowed to a bounce, then a bump, and finally back to a flop.
From the outside, it looked like I was Big O. A great career, a wonderful husband, three thriving children, the big house, the car (okay, it’s a mini-van) -- the boxes of life were all checked. On the inside, I was struggling to remember me. My sharp edges that let me feel and experience, the corners that made me whole, the curiosity to slow down enough to breathe and take in life had all melted away. I was left a shapeless blob that was passing the time, and absolutely unable to take in any of it.
A year ago, I popped my “safe and comfortable” bubble (so many internal narratives full of ‘supposed-to’ and ‘should’, self-doubt and self-worth, shame, and perfectionism!). I left a promising job, packed up the kids, and moved across the country. Lucky for me, I met a Big O in the form of Coaching. It helped me see myself as in the icky-sticky goo of a chrysalis readying myself for an awesome transformation rather than a hopeless, shapeless blob. Coaching has changed my life and has offered me healing, growth, and an expansive fit that doesn’t constrict, minimize, or quiet me. Rather, it has reinforced an innate sense of wholeness, of abundance, of hope. It has rekindled a curiosity and quest for discovery and exploration. It has re-introduced me to all my sharp edges that make me unique, and the strong corners that allow me to trust in an inherent stability and security of self. Most of all, Coaching has afforded me a vista of possibility. Of a life lived with ease and purpose, with time and space enough to smell the flowers and experience the warmth of nurturing sunshine (in my case, basking in the glow of a sunset on the beach and cuddling my kiddos). Of a radical transformation becoming the butterfly I once contemplated. Of belonging with a community of shapes eager to live an integrated life aligned with their values, to feel and experience all the wonders of life within and without, and to pursue a life of purpose, compassion, and love.
Though I am still flipping & flopping awkwardly, I can feel that the daily Lift Pull Flop is moving towards a bump, a bounce, and sometimes even a roll. I am becoming my own Big O, complete and whole, not needing nor wanting, and eager to roll with ease and grace with fellow Big Os. In the meantime, I am moving and grooving in rhythm with the original Big O, and I am eager to share this journey of coaching and healing with all the Missing Pieces out there.
