Sacred Pause: My Story of Beginning Again
Every breath is a chance to begin again
These words have been echoing in my mind since hearing them more than 10 years ago. They represent hope, possibility, an opportunity to get up and try again after every mistake, every failure. To keep going, doing, and performing. And so, I did. Year after year, I kept up the hustle, running at a rapid pace, doing all the things I am supposed to do, achieving all the things I am supposed to achieve. Valedictorian, check. Graduating from top Universities, check. Moving up the career ladder, with big titles and a strong reputation in tow, check. Getting married, check. 3 kids, check. Buying a house in a perfect community, check. Being the good Indian girl, check.
Until I ran into a wall, and it all fell apart. The marriage ended. The house sold. The career shifted. I moved across the country. The kids are fine, and I still have me. I am starting over again.
Looking back, I should have known it was coming. It’s impossible to keep running without pause, without a moment to catch your breath, and expect anything to hold together. The moment of reckoning will come; if not today, then tomorrow. And, frankly, running that fast (especially alone) is not much fun either. I didn’t make time to stop and smell the proverbial roses, and I certainly did not soak in as many Pacific Coast sunsets as I could have. Instead of immersing myself in the pause before beginning another breath, I kept focusing on the next to-do on my list.
Until a year ago. For the first time in my life, I took a conscious pause – resigned from a dream job, spent lots of unstructured time with the kids, moved away from home, and allowed myself to just Be. A Sacred Pause in which I let my heart lead me towards what felt whole, integrated, and true even when my head kept telling me this kind of pause was too risky. What would people think? How could I be so irresponsible to leave a secure and meaningful job? Was I just being lazy?
The pause in every cycle of breath connects the acts of inhaling and exhaling. It is a transition from one action to the next, from one stage of being to the next. A moment of complete surrender, that brings with it a sharpness of the mind and lucidity of one’s soul. At this threshold, one experiences both a physical emptiness and a spiritual sense of equanimity. With practice, this pause makes room for a space between your thoughts, a stillness in your soul. In Buddhist imagery, this pause is embodied in Buddha sitting under the Bodhi tree. Neither grasping nor rejecting, he has developed an engaged presence that offers the space for clarity. An opening to make ourselves available to all the choices life is offering without falling back on the habits & patterns grooved so deeply in our psyche. This Sacred Pause allows us to touch freedom and gives room to the life streaming through us.
For me, it has been an opportunity to rest, to bring awareness to myself and my surroundings. It has allowed me to savor the fullness of my life, appreciate the gift of time, and shift my attention from constantly doing to being and living an integrated and aligned life. To be clear, a pause is not the same as a full stop. It is a time of temporary disengagement, a moment of luminous awareness and deep reflection. It has allowed me the courage to settle into my own body (from numbing to the sharp edges of full feeling), my values (redefined from other’s to my own), my faith (not something we often allow ourselves to talk about), and a renewed sense of purpose and possibility. Not the despondence that shows up in the face of fear, hiding from pain & shame, and feeling like we aren’t where we are ‘supposed’ to be. Rather, a settling in to prepare for the next chapter of movement with increased presence, strengthened agency, and an openness to the possibility of new, creative responses to wants and fears.
My wish is for others to find solace and strength that comes from taking ‘time out of time’, to experience wholehearted presence and fully engage with all of life’s offerings, anchored in the strength of one’s values and purpose. In essence, taking a moment to rest and replenish oneself before taking the next breath of action, connection, and impact.
The Sacred Pauses project is my offering to hold that space and walk alongside Changemakers as you let go of what has been, reconnect with your deepest and most authentic self, and resource yourself for the next inhalation of what’s possible. My hope is that these conversations will begin to open the space for engaged presence, reflective inquiry, and a reimagining of life with a freshness, clarity, and sense of expansiveness. In turn, clearing a path of possibility and acceptance for those around us to take a conscious pause before taking a breath and beginning again.
