Shame, Commitment, Hustle and Flow
Sharam. In Urdu, sharam means a fear of embarrassment, or shame. Synonymous with Disgrace, Dishonor, and Pity. Sharam is the weight of the world bearing down on you, questioning the very value of your being. For me, sharam has been so tightly woven into the context of my being, that despite knowing (in my head) I was making the right decision to take a Sacred Pause this past year, I have still been flooded (in my heart) with feelings of unworthiness. Particularly around my choice to leave the dream-job (read impactful, stable, secure, responsible) without a plan and begin a coaching practice (read “uncertain, risky, irresponsible”, particularly for a mother of three!) in a new city.
Not only that, I began to seriously question my own commitment to the social change and justice work in which I have invested my life’s work. How committed was I really if I could just let it all go? And, then, Eureka! I struck gold. Dr. Shawn Ginwright’s new book, The Four Pivots: Reimagining Justice, Reimagining Ourselves, spoke deeply to me and now animates my conversations. More importantly, it has blessed me with language and context affirming my own pivot to Coaching as the social change work of internal healing for Changemakers that MUST accompany the external healing work focused on organizations, systems, and structures.
Basic premise of the book is that in order to achieve social change, we need to pivot – to make a small change in direction from where we are without abandoning what we know – towards healing ourselves, our communities, and ultimately our society. Dr. Ginwright speaks to pivots in awareness, connection, vision and presence. For now, I’ll focus on Presence: from Hustle to Flow — our state of mind and how we show up.
More often than not, it’s in the form of hustle – the daily grind to do more, be more, get more, and is anchored in a culture of frenzy, “the desperate state of constant unfocused effort and random behavior that consistently fails to produce desired results”. We are addicted to DOING and bask in the glow of busyness. We judge ourselves and others by how much/ little time we have to BE with loved ones, let alone ourselves. Slowing down, actually resting, is almost unheard of. After all, how can we be “productive” if we are smelling roses and staring at the crashing waves all day?
Flow, on the other hand, is “the state of awareness that is free of judgment, doubt, fear, and confusion and is guided by a sense of effortless certainty.” It’s the kind of life and work we all dream of, and yet…there are so many things getting in our way. Expectations, bosses, email deluges, daily injustices, and the suffering in our communities. So how can we make it so?
Consider the flow of a river. It moves effortlessly through narrowing paths, around rocks and fallen trees, carrying multiple burdens as it seeks the path of least resistance. The waters ebb and flow in a dance with all that is put forth to stop, test, and resist it. Could it be that our own power, success, and “productivity” lie in this kind of effortless knowing? Might the social change we seek externally have a better chance of sustainably manifesting if we let go, release, and allow inner selves to rest? Without shame for being wild, vulnerable, whole, flawed, and human?
Social change cannot only be an external fix – strategies, plans, and movements that build power, address systemic barriers, and situate equity and justice as our North Star. Social change is anchored in, and completely dependent upon, each of us doing the inner work of healing. Pivoting away from the intensity of frenzied hustle to a healthier flow that energizes and replenishes us to do the deeper work of love and healing.
Our collective tomorrow is yet to be fully reimagined as we support healing in ourselves and each other today. That IS the opportunity, the work, the play! As I lay the groundwork for a new path forward, I am thankful to be on this often messy, sometimes chaotic, always faith-filled journey and am grateful to be a part of yours. While my focal point for change may have pivoted, my commitment has not waivered. Of that I am shamelessly certain.
